Wednesday, May 21, 2014

The Greatest Singer of all Time Is.....Huh???

You LIKE me! You really LIKE me!!!
Sit down, Bruce Dickinson! You too, Geoff Tate! Rob Halford? Where do you think you're going??? You three didn't even make the list!!! And, the award for best singer of all time goes to... <drumroll> AXL ROSE!!!

That's right. The most self absorbed enigma in heavy metal who has ruined his voice due to drugs and cheeseburgers has been voted the greatest singer of all time by the widely respected music travel website, Concert Hotels. Their highly scientific formula has placed Axl Rose over other rock and heavy metal greats (who didn't even make the list) such as Ronnie James Dio, Rob Halford, Geoff Tate, Bruce Dickinson, Meatloaf, Michael Sweet, Midnight, and John Oliva. 
However, never fear...The site was quick to include such inspiring popular/contemporary "talent" as Justin Bieber, Kurt Kobain, and Iggy Pop as better singers than the other greats. Not to mention the auto tune machine that creates the voices of Miley Cyrus, Lorde, and Katy Perry, and of course the renowned beautiful voice of the legendary singer, Bob Dylan.

For results like these, wash monthly,
and don't repeat!
If the website had any credibility whatsoever, it says that people compared the highest notes by singers hit in the studio. It loses said credibility because  Freddy Mercury is on the list, but Paul McCartney is ahead of him. Paul McCartney has a very good voice, but he was known as much for his high vocal range as Albert Einstein was known for his great hair. That, and Axl is listed ahead of Mariah Carey.

Now, I am not taking anything away from Axl Rose. He HAD a great voice, but trashed it over the years like a few others I could mention. (and have mentioned on this blog) In order for him to be considered one of the best in my opinion, you have to still be able to sing everything you once were able to. Rob Halford believe it or not can still hit everything he did 20 years ago. Bruce Dickinson is even better now than he was 20 years ago. Geoff Tate went through a phase where he had lost it, but he seems to be getting his voice back. (2 years too late?)

Arrgh! Me mateys and me arr here for the booty!!
But over the years, Axl Rose has seized the name Guns N Roses, and had a revolving door of musicians. He took an entire decade to release one album, Chinese Democracy, which has sold around 37 copies to date. He can't keep a band together, and his voice is getting worse as his belly and cheeks get fatter. If I saw Axl in person today, I wouldn't even recognize him. These days, he looks more like an extra in a bad pirate movie than a heavy metal icon. He is literally a bad parody of his former self, and sadly, he is remembered more for his infamous antics on and off stage than as an

Poor Duff, Slash, Steven, and Izzy...They all starved
because of Axl's Appetite!
icon. For example, when James Hetfield of Metallica burned himself onstage, Guns N Roses could have come on and played an amazing show. Instead, Axl felt he had to upstage Hetfield, so he threw a temper tantrum and stormed off stage. The crowd rioted.

So, Axl's voice is a shell of what it used to be, and Axl himself is a (stuffed) shell of what he used to be, yet he still sees himself as the juggernaut band that was around for 7 years or so. Despite that, the people at Concert Hotels think that they have musical credibility with their little poll and top 50 list. It was completely wrong, and all it did was inflate Axl Rose's already critically over inflated ego. Meanwhile, his former GNR band mates released a platinum album with Velvet Revolver.

Of course, the great singers know they are great, and don't need a hotel website to tell them how awesome they are. Axl however probably has that list printed, and hanging on every wall in his house.

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