Monday, February 24, 2014

Think NFL Refs Were Bad Before?

Just wait until they can throw a flag for a 15 yard penalty for using the N word. That is exactly what the NFL (Goodell) is considering. Hasn't this schmuck ruined the league enough? This comes a week after the Ted Wells report came out about Richie Incognito and bullying? Incognito was doing nothing worse than anything else going on in college or even high school. Listen to my take on Incognito on the Will and Thunder Show <Caching!>, during the first 20 minutes or so.

The NFL is rapidly becoming a joke. Roger Goodell won't be satisfied until they are playing flag football or 2 hand touch. But, throwing the flag for the N word is worse than anything Goodell has put out there. First of all, how can a ref determine who said it? They can't even call a game correctly when something happens right in front of their EYES. Now, we are going to entrust their EARS to get things right? Their ears in a stadium full of thousands of screaming people?

Yeah. That's gonna work.

Every fan claims that the refs screw their team. However, as a Dolphins fan, I can give you several examples on how Miami was screwed. For example, against Pittsburgh, Miami had the lead. Pittsburgh had the ball first and goal from the 5. First, second, and third down, Miami's defense stopped them. On 4th down, Ben Rothlisberger kept the ball and tried to run it in. He fumbled, and Miami recovered. Ref, Gene Steratore gave the ball to the Steelers, first and goal at the one. In an "unrelated" story, Gene Steratore is a life long Steelers fan. I've got more, but it isn't necessary.

Now, the refs who are already horrible can really impact the outcome of the game. Gene Steratore can now  accuse a Steelers opponent's player of using the N word if the Steelers need a first down, or if the opponent has a good drive going.


I'm not a fan of the N word, but is it really necessary to ban it and penalize it? Seriously, in the heat of
adrenaline, you can say anything. But, I really want to know what the harm is. First of all, it is used predominately by black people to other black people these days. White people rarely use it anymore. Plus, this has been going on for years. Want to eliminate it? Have parents and teachers penalize kids for it, and in a generation or two, it will go away.

I know. I won't hold my breath either. But, why penalize real people? What I mean is that nobody has a problem with movies and music using that word left and right. NFL players are real people in a dangerous and stressful setting, so its only natural for emotions to fly.

Now, why just the N word? Why Shit, Fuck, G-d dammit, the C word, or even other racist words like Cracker, Kraut, Lymie, or others? Does the NFL want players to become tattletales? Once this rule gets set in, you could easily have players on a losing team trying to exploit this rule.

Another question I have is where are Al Sharpton and Jesse Jackson? If you think about it, this isn't the NAACP demanding this rule. It isn't the black players, that's for sure. Its the rich elite white liberals and Ted Wells types and the commissioner of the NFL telling black people what they can and can't say...Suppressing their speech! And, the race pimps are silent.

I have said this before, and I will keep saying it. Freedom of speech means ALL speech, whether you agree with said speech or not. You can't pick and choose. Its all or none. Like I said, I don't like hearing people black or white using the N word, but if they choose to, more power to them. In fact, the context that black people use it in isn't even derogatory anymore. In fact, after the video below was released, the N word should have become about as offensive as the word 'cuddly.'



The people who are behind this rule are of the same mindset as the people who are trying to get the Redskins name banned. Miserable morons who have made everyone else's business their business. You know, the people who are tolerant of everything, as long as it perfectly mirrors what they believe. This is nothing more than a kneejerk reaction to the Ted Wells report about the bullying in the Miami Dolphins locker room. Verbal bullying. Nothing physical. I was bullied in junior high. I got my ass kicked several times for no reason. THAT is bullying. Punking a guy out verbally is not bullying.

Yes we are. Grow a SPINE PLEASE!!!
UPDATE: 2-27-14 They are now adding the word 'FAG' to the list of naughty words. Why can't you talk about the Film Actors Guild on an NFL field? 

Saturday, February 22, 2014

Band/Album Review: Wardrum / Messenger


The band, Wardrum is from Thessaloníki, Greece. They are the second band in my 'European Power Metal' series and they are one of the best bands I've heard in a long time. Of course, all the bands coming from Europe these days are among the best I've heard in ages. Why else would I be doing a series on them?? I was chatting with lead singer, Yannis Papadopoulos, and I told him that I wish I lived over there now because of all the great music coming from Europe, while we in the US are stuck with Nickelback and Justin Bieber. He laughed, and it is what it is. 


I first became aware of this band a while back, when I found the singer on YouTube, singing Masque of the Red Death by Crimson Glory.  I was blown away because the guy nailed it, and I quickly began passing the video to people who knew Crimson Glory in the hopes that maybe they would pick him up. But then, I started listening to Wardrum, and decided that Yannis needed to stay right where he is.



Their latest album, Messenger is a juggernaut. There is no other way to describe them. We'll get to the album shortly. First, I want to introduce you to the band.



Wardrum are: Yannis Papadopoulos - Vocals


                              Kosta Vreto - Guitar
                              Kostas Scandalis - Bass
                              Stergios Kourou - Drums



                         


On a talent scale, I would put Wardrum in the same category with great power/prog metal giants such as Queensryche, Iced Earth. Helloween, Savatage, and of course, Crimson Glory. Vocally, Yannis can hang with anyone. And, he is better than most. With a style that is all his own, he has a melodic, raspy and powerful voice, along with a brutal growl that accents in various places, complimented by a very high vocal range. Not to mention his harmony vocals are there with TNT as far as quality and range. (That's the ONLY appropriate TNT comparison though)

Kosta Vreto can also hang with anyone on the guitar. Listen to track 9 of the album, Ruby Red Heart. It starts off with a very tight and amazing classical guitar piece, that leads into some of the most intricate yet powerful rhythms you've ever heard. On rhythm guitar, he smokes most of the 'lamestream' guitarists in the United States. His leads? Do the names Alex Skolnick or Al Pitrelli mean anything to you? The guy shreds, and it is an injustice that TSO hasn't contacted him yet to do a Christmas tour. Yes, I am putting him into that category.



Kostas Scandalis is one half of an extremely tight and fast rhythm sections. His bass playing is right with the drums at all the time, and his fingers are machine guns that are right on cue with each double bass beat. Take this video for example. Its Wardrum playing Painkiller by Judas Priest. The man doesn't use a pic, and he AND drummer, Stergios Kourou  nail the song. He plays the bass the way its supposed to be. Along with the drums. Anybody can pick up a bass, and follow the root note of what the guitar is doing. But those people are not bass players. A bass player plays with the drums. That's why its called a RHYTHM SECTION, and this one is elite.


Stergios Kourou is a great drummer, along with the other great musicians in this band. He has the speed of a thrash drummer, and the technicality of a progressive metal drummer, combined into one. What more is there to say? 


I imagine there are bands who would love to have ONE member of these guys' caliber, let alone all four. And, I think Painkiller is a pretty good measuring stick. If you can nail that song to perfection, your band is phenomenal. Not to mention the fact that Yannis does as good of a job with this song as Ripper Owens.


Now, onto the album: Messenger.



This is technical power metal at its best. From the opening track, Shelter to the final track, Four Seasons, you are treated to eargasam after eargasam. The guitar is amazing throughout, as are the vocals, and rhythm section. The music has a feel of the classic power metal bands of the 80's, but there is something modern about it as well. I've heard lots of newer power metal bands that are technical like this, but it doesn't hit me other than the fact of being impressed by the talent. This music hits me deeper than that, on a deeper level. Its fun to listen to. 


A sign of an intelligent song writer is when they take on a historical character and make an amazing song out of it. Iron Maiden is famous for doing this. Wardrum does this with the song Lady Jane Grey, who was named successor to the King of England when he died. She was quickly removed, tried for treason, and ultimately executed. Wardrum does this song every bit as well as Iron Maiden and even Iced Earth do theirs. I knew about her before writing this review. What I didn't know is that there was a movie made about her. Guess what I'm doing after I finish writing this!
Lady Jane Grey


Good luck trying to come up with a favorite song from this album. At first, it was Shelter. Then, Ruby Red Heart. Then, After Forever. I'm sure that as I wear this album out, my favorite song will change frequently. That's the sign of a great album!



The band has several videos from previous albums on their Youtube page, including a live performance. There are also lots of live performances posted by others. Below is a lyric video for the song 'After Forever.'  and an actual video for Travel Far Away. I would hate to have to decide which song on the album will be the one they make a video for. I'm sure that would be a hard choice to make. Here is the lyric video for After Forever. 







There isn't a bad song on this album. After listening to it several times, I have had most of the songs pop into my head. Really, if you are into power metal, it doesn't get much better than this. I knew there were some great bands coming out of Europe, but Wardrum stands alone as far as I am concerned. I give this one 5 of 5 stars. 



Buy the album on Amazon. or Google Play. Buy many copies. We need Wardrum to do a US tour. I've been talking with Yannis about coming onto the Will and Thunder Show <Caching!> at some point in the near future, so keep your eyes open for that. 






In closing, did I mention that this album is amazing, and kicks ass, and that you and all your friends need to buy it?


NOTE: On May 20. 2014 at 10PM Eastern Standard Time, Wardrum will be our guests on the Will and Thunder Show. Click here for the show page, which contains the link for the show, as well as Skype instructions. The show will also be archived on YouTube, so if you missed it live, you'll be able to catch it there.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

Album Review: Randy Chapman "Cursed"


Its not very often when you have one person who can go into a studio and knock out an album with 13 well produced songs, playing all guitar, bass, drums, keyboards, writing everything, and singing. But, Central Florida guitar icon, Randy Chapman has done just that...Several times in fact.

His current album, Cursed explores the darkness and void associated with someone who is struggling with the consequences of his decisions earlier in life. Something I personally know well, and can relate to. Songs like 'My Own Worst Enemy'  spell that out perfectly, when he says point blank that he has become his.

Lyrically, Cursed is a trip down a dark path that would give Alice Cooper the creeps. Musically, it is a to manual on metal guitar. Shallow is a musical assault, grabs you by the throat, early on. Most of the album is a clinic on what young metal guitarists should aspire to be with their skill in rhythm and leads. But, you also get some great classical guitar. Immortal Beloved, is a relaxing interlude. A beacon on a stormy night, after Devil in Disguise which is a lashing to the religious zealots who want to tell you how to live, but not to pattern your life after theirs.
Randy Chapman

Basically, if you're a fan of the guitar, this album is for you. The guitar work here could be mentioned in the same sentence with greats like Zakk Wylde, among others. Most prevalent are the influences of people like Wylde, and bands like Judas Priest and Megadeth. The skill of Chapman is impressive whether the music is fast or slow.

I mentioned the lyrics. Chapman is every bit as good with a pen as he is with a pic. His imagery is very good, and if you pay attention, you will be a guest on this dark path along with him. Harvester of Souls is a good soundtrack for that walk. He is ready to take you away. But, make sure someone gives you a couple coins to put over your eyes. He doesn't ride for free. The song invokes memories of early Black Sabbath, both musically and lyrically. Not sure where he got the inspiration for the song, October Rust. He lives in Florida, yet this song brilliantly illustrates the changing of seasons into Fall. But, it contrasts with a story about waiting in vain for someone who will never come. But the most impressive is the lyrics of Till Death Do Us Part. A song about a man who lost his wife, and the pain he is enduring.

Laura Moore in the
studio
He also shows a bit of a soft side with a (musically) cheerful song called Ghost. Its a duet with a gorgeous young lady with the voice of an angel voice named Laura Moore. Hopefully, I'll be reviewing an album from her soon. Ghost is a strange and beautiful departure from the darkness of the rest of the album, yet it is still kind of lyrically dark.

I had the privilege of interviewing Randy on the Will and Thunder Show <Caching!> a while back. Check it out! 


Of course, the album cover has a black cat on it. and the album is called 'Cursed.' But, did you notice the other thing? There are 13 songs on this CD.

Unless you're completely dense, you should be able to see that I am very impressed with this album. It needs to be in your collection. Buy it on Amazon. Now.

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Top 5 Rock/Metal Power Ballads for Valentines Day

I have several other lists, so it just makes sense to have one for Valentines Day to help my readers out if needed. Also, its good to help myself out, because I'll always know where to come for good lists. And, I've got a bunch more lists in mind.

So, here we go...Grab the wife/girlfriend, a comfy quilt, a laptop, and listen to the top 5 Valentines Day Power Ballads. Even if your lady is not a metal fan, this list will touch the right nerve, and the romantic mood will be in the air...among other moods. And, if you've seen my other lists, you know to expect the unexpected.

So, HERE WE GO!!!!


Number 5: Heaven Tonight by Yngwie Malmsteen: He has the girl, and they have 'been' together. However, the man wants even more. Very commendable these days. Valentine's Day isn't necessarily for couples. This song is seduction, and the great vocal performance by Joe Lynn Turner says it all: This feels like paradise, holding you here by my side. If we just close our eyes, we'll be in heaven tonight. 






And, since we covered a couple who weren't a couple yet, how about a guy who wants his beloved woman back? Number 4 is Angel by Aerosmith. All he wants is her. He's suffered and seen the light, and she is his angel. He is willing to do whatever it takes to win the love of his angel...Again.









Number 3 is Without You by Motley Crue. Even though I don't buy it from the songwriters, this is still a great song to slowdance with your wife/girlfriend with. I wonder if Crue had outside help with the lyrics of this song? Without you in my life, I'd probably wilt and die, but with you in my life, you're the reason I'm alive. Ok, maybe not, but you get my point. This may be a good candidate for Song Lyric Dissections. Its still a good Valentines Day song though. These lyrics really are all she wants to hear on Valentines Day.





Number 2 is I'll Never Let You Go by Steelheart. Here, you can't go wrong. This ballad has everything. Sweet lyrics, an amazing singer, and good guitar. However, unless you are also an amazing singer, I would recommend lip syncing this one. Take my word on this. But, this song is a guaranteed winner for Valentine's Day.








Number 1 is Always by Bon Jovi. Great song for extremely devoted couples, and for the man who is trying to land the woman of his dreams. Play this in the candlelight, and pull her close. Nothing bad can come from playing this song. Its a guarantee. Jon Bon Jovi has the gift of the rose petaled tongue. You really can't go wrong for any of your romantic needs with Bon Jovi. Speaking of roses, his song Bed of Roses deserves an honorable mention.






So, there you go. The top 5 rocl/metal power ballads for Valentines Day. Hope they work for you, and more importantly, I hope they work for me. ;) So, Cuddle up, CRANK EM' UP!!!

EDIT: I may not be the best at captioning these videos with sappy comments, but I CAN do sappy if its original. Here's a song I wrote to a really hot chick who was playing hard to get. It worked. ;) Its called Feel, and I did everything on the song. Funny thing is that the guitar solo is very basic. But, its probably my favorite solo.

Friday, February 7, 2014

Band/Album Review: Nordic Metal, Battle Beast


I'm starting to think that I should have moved to Finland...

...or somewhere in that general region back in 2006 when I found myself free of all things tying me down. I've recently discovered that the best music on the planet is coming from that region. The melodic progressive heavy metal. I love it, and if I had a 'dream band' scenario, It would be a 'prog metal' band. I would much rather be there in that region of the world with all that great music coming out, which is loved by the majority of the people, as opposed to the garbage forced down our throats in the US.There are quite a few bands that I've discovered, and I will be reviewing all of the ones I like over the next couple months. The first one I found was a VERY passionate, powerful and energetic band: Finland's Battle Beast, who had released their second album in 2013. A self titled album.

And, talk about timing. This album literally has just come available in the US, as of Feb 4th.



Founded in 2008, they are:  
Noora Louhimo : Vocals
Anton Kabanen : Vocals, Guitar
Eero Sipilä : Bass
Janne Björkroth : Keyboard
Pyry Vikki : Drums
Juuso Soinio : Guitar

And, former singer, Nitte Valo



The first song I heard from them was Black Ninja, and I found it on YouTube. I was knocked off my feet by the piercing vocal talent of Noora Louhimo. I was telling a friend about this song, and he asked me who she sounded like. I told him that she is Rob Halford's daughter. Joking, of course. She doesn't sound like anyone, but her voice is definitely influenced by the Metal God, from her aggressive power used in some parts, to her piercing screams (or battle cry.) But she has another side of her voice as well. She can sing like a beautiful songbird. I liken it to a siren because of the fact that it lures you in with the calmness and seductive beauty, then once your guard is down, and you're relaxing, she lets out a battle cry, and your skull is bashed in with a war hammer of vocals, and some incredible music played by intensely talented musicians.

After listening to Black Ninja about 30 times, I downloaded the album on Amazon. I was expecting what is common place in albums, especially these days. A bunch of songs that don't measure up to the single I just heard, especially when there are 14 songs on the album. I was wrong! All the songs on the album are great. There's not one that I don't like. In fact, there are several that I liked as much or better than Black Ninja.

The band as a whole is extremely talented. The music's foundation is rooted in 80's metal influence, but that is where the comparison ends. Does a house consist of just a foundation? No. Its just the bottom that the rest is built on, and that is the case with Battle Beast. The guitar work in the songs on this album rival the best guitarists. In fact,if you are a fan of the 'twin axe attack,' you will be in a state of bliss when you hear the harmony guitar solos of Anton Kabanen and Juuso Soinio. And, the time signatures that come up in several of the songs show the genius of Pyry Vikki and Eero Sipilä who complete a rhythm section that has the power of legions of soldiers marching into battle. Keyboardist, Janne Björkroth  is more than added rhythm. His keyboard playing adds a haunting presence to the music. 



*****

Literally, the album's first track sets the tone for what is coming on the rest of the album. It is called Let it Roar, and roar the band does. Often. There are no ballads on the album, and I wouldn't have it any other way. And, there are no bad or filler songs either. This is pure, driving progressive heavy metal, which is by far easily the most talented genre of heavy metal. And these Nordic bands have perfected it.

So, what do I recommend? Buy this album. Its available on Amazon on CD or MP3. Their first album, Steel is also available, on Amazon, but not for download. Their self titled album is also available on Google Play.

Buy it, turn it up to 11, and get ready to be assaulted by a great band. Hopefully, Battle Beast and a few of the other great bands from that region will team up for a US tour. Find Battle Beast on Facebook and Twitter

Tuesday, February 4, 2014

WHAT'S in the BAG??? A Review of Metallica: Through the Never


I wasn't sure what to expect when I rented this on Amazon Instant View. But, I was actually a little worried that Metallica's performances would be diminished by the story. I was WRONG! In fact, you could say that the opposite is true. The movie is centered around a Metallica concert and a local hired roadie. First, I want to say that the band still puts on one hell of a show live. I was blown away. Not only by the music, and Jame's voice but the stage. It would be impossible to tour with that stage.

___________________________________

SPOILERS!!!
___________________________________

The movie opens with a guy named Trip entering dome stadium where a Metallica concert is going to be taking place. I'm assuming he is local hired help for the crew because nobody knew who he was, but he did have a pass. The tour manager tells him to go watch the show, but to stay close in case they need something. The show opens with Creeping Death, and we see Trip in the aisle jamming out to the song. However, he is quickly whisked away by the tour manager who has a job for him. One of their box trucks has run out of gas, and Trip's job is to find it, gas it up, and accompany it back to the stadium. So, Trip reluctantly goes and fires up his van, pops a pill, and goes to look for the box truck. Seems easy enough, right?

Its amusing to see James Hetfield trying to mimic 
Rob Trujillo's creeping moves along with him
We'll get back to the story, and Trip's adventure. Right now, I gotta tell you about that stage. I mentioned before that the stage would be impossible to tour with. There were props that would have required 2 18 wheelers to transport. And that's just the props. It was a huge in the round type stage, that had 4 hydraulic beams that had lights, and other things that moved throughout the show. It was LOADED with pyrotechnics. But, that is just the surface. The band brought to life four of their album covers literally.

For Ride the Lightning, a huge working
electric chair came down from the ceiling,
 and zapped electricity all over the place.
For Master of Puppets, about 20 cross shaped
headstones that were lit up came out of the floor.
For Death Magnetic, 6 enormous coffins
appeared, suspended from the ceiling, with screens
on them showing people inside trying to get out.
And as impressive as those three were, they
 were all outdone by the brought to life version
of 
...And Justice For All. They actually had a construction
crew on stage buildin a 20 foot high statue of Lady Justice.
Made out of stone, and piece by piece, this monstrosity took
 shape. I'm not telling you what it did though. SEE THE MOVIE!
The song, One was a mini concert in itself. The spectacle
of that 'one' production is mind boggling. Just the production
for And Justice For All and One probably cost more than some
band's entire concerts from stage to lights, to PA. It was incredible.
And, there is also a story that develops throughout the concert as well, but I'm not going to spoil that for you. Lets just say that if this were to happen at a concert on a real tour, the way Metallica handled it would be the most metal moment of all time.

This was a hell of a show, and very likely the most expensive and extravagant stage ever built. I would have loved to have been there for the filming of this. And, there are no songs from St. Anger or Lulu, I promise.

Now, back to the story. Trip goes out, and is driving down the streets in a city. The streets are deserted. Maybe because everyone is at the concert? Who knows, but Trip quickly finds out why. After retrieving a mysterious duffel bag from the box truck, Trip winds up crashing his van, he comes on a mob being led by a man with a gas mask on a horse. He also carries a hammer on a long stick. They are staring down a SWAT team, and they eventually start fighting. The leader is hanging people from light poles.
Dane DeHann plays Trip. Look for 
him to break out in the future. I bet 
this kid turns into one hell of an actor.
Trip manages to elude them for a while but they do find him. We aren't told what exactly is going on, but I'm going to assume that it is some kind of gas in the air that makes everyone crazy (hence the gas mask) because the next time we see the mob, the SWAT team members are with them. They corner Trip, who (once again...gas in the air) lights himself on fire, and charges. He still gets his ass kicked, but somehow gets away. However, he does have a showdown with the rider, and wins. Trip gets back to the stadium, and the concert is over. He puts the duffel bag on the stage, and goes to sit down. The band comes out, and plays Orion. We never get to find out what's in the bag.

This story could be a number of things, but I think that the underlying story is that being a roadie isn't all its cracked up to be because those poor guys go through hell. So, the movie is basically a very long Metallica video, with a story in the background. This movie is an all out assault on your senses. Its a movie you will want to watch on the largest screen possible, with the sound turned up to 11. Congrats, guys...This was an awesome production. If you're a Metallica fan, this is a must. If you're a student of film and video production, this movie should become required viewing for the class. But, as awesome as it is, I look for Kiss to try to top it at some point. You know they will, but for a band that already seems larger than life to lots of people, this movie seems to make them even larger than life than they already are, and that's saying something.

That's about all I have to say about it. Hit the lights!!!

EDIT! Click here to read my review of Hardwired to Self Destruct!!!!



Movie Review: Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark

Really. Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark. That's the latest mega___vs___ movie that Asylum Films has come up with. And, normally, I wouldn't be reviewing one of these movies, because its accepted that they are cheesy, cheaply made, and lots of times, flat out ridiculous. But, they are usually entertaining. For example, in Sharknado, there is a scene where a shark swirling around in a tornado eats a man who is also caught in the tornado in one bite. It swallows him whole. That's funny! Don't even try to say that it isn't.

But, this movie fails miserably on many levels. I was expecting something similar to MechaGodzilla, which is undoubtedly where the inspiration came from, but there is no similarity to any of the Godzilla movies, with the exception of why the 'mecha' was built in the first place. But, that's where any similarity ends.


SPOILERS!!!

Indeed!
Basically, a Megalodon shark (40 to 60 feet long in real life) survived all these years, and TWO prior Mega Shark vs ___ movies, and awakened in present day time, and begins wreaking havoc. So, the government constructs a huge mechanical shark to combat it. Both, over 200 feet long. So, enter Christopher Judge, (Teal'c from the Stargate SG1 series) his wife, Rosie, and a computer that has its own personality, and is quite the flirt apparently. Rosie pilots Mecha Shark to do battle with the Megalodon. And, that's where this movie starts its downhill plunge...and we're only 5 minutes into the film at this point.

Incompetence, thy name is
ROSIE!
As I mentioned, these movies are by definition cheesy, but the writers of this one were just plain lazy. For example, Mecha Shark is basically just a submarine that looks like a shark, but it was built to fight the shark. In fact, a sub was destroyed by the shark because all it did was launch torpedoes at it. (remember that) Yet Mecha Shark doesn't fight the shark. All it does is launch torpedoes at it, and when Mega actually does attack it, Mega wins hands down. So, Mecha seems to be a waste of time and resources. The only thing worse than the concept of Mecha was Rosie's ability to pilot it. She misses constantly with the torpedoes, but manages to sink a US battleship instead. (Yes, I said battleship.) She also manages to get the Mecha pinned at the bottom of a trench, where the talking computer does something that magically blasts the rocks away in a matter of seconds.

DUH!
So, those issues I listed are bad enough, but they don't even scratch the surface. Mega leaps out of the water, and destroys an aircraft carrier, and several other Navy ships. And, an oil rig, which causes a spill like the one in 2010 in the Gulf of Mexico. The one redeeming thing that Rosie does is to use Mecha to kink the pipe to stop the leak..as laughable is that is. But, we haven't gotten to the most ridiculous parts yet. The shark is trying to get to Sydney Australia to find a mate, as explained by Doctor Debbie Gibson, who reprises her role as Doctor Emma McNeil. Basically, the good doctor says that if the shark gets there, and doesn't find a mate, its going to become very aggressive. Didn't she say that in the first film? Anyway, lets see...At this point, it has killed thousands of people, destroyed multiple ships, including an aircraft carrier, and an oil rig. How much MORE aggressive could it get?

Once it gets to Sydney, it gets even worse. The military begins evacuating the entire city. Why? I'm not sure, but later, it becomes a good idea. Mega grabs Mecha and flings it a mile onto land. Guess it was a good idea to evacuate, but they had NO idea that was going to happen. Now, comes the part where the movie jumps the shark. (See what I did there?) Mecha is lying on its side, when all of a sudden, it sprouts tank tracks, and flips itself over, and begins rolling through the city. Mecha has gone rogue! It begins its trek of terror through the city, when Professor Debbie comes up with another great idea. Get Mecha back to the water and let Mega take it out. They work on that idea for a few minutes, when Judge has a brainstorm. The aircraft carrier was attacked because it was emitting frequencies which "pissed mega off." So, they board Mecha, and get it to emit those same frequencies. Mecha still has one torpedo left, and they decide to get Mega to attract Mecha and then have the torpedo detonate. Finally, Judge finds a motorcycle, and gets Mecha's attention and leads it back to the water, (after doing a huge jump that propelled him a good 5 stories into the air, and lands perfectly) But, disaster strikes. Military F22s show up, and blast Mecha with ONE missile which knocks the 200 foot, and who knows how many ton Mecha 50 feet into the air, and over 200 yards through the air, and into the water. That was lucky, right?
I'm leaving on a shark plane....

Mecha, still emitting those frequencies attracts Mega. We see none of this, but it happens. Mega bites Mecha apparently right on the location of the torpedo tube, and detonates the torpedo. We hear a loud explosion, and in the trademark ending of these movies, blood and guts splatter all over everything. The End.

Rehash.
So, torpedoes don't work on Mega if fired by a submarine, which is why they had to build Mecha, in order to fight it, which it doesn't, until the end of the movie, where Mega whips its ass. But, torpedoes don't work, unless they are bitten. Lucky Mega just happened to find the right place to bite a 6 foot long torpedo, on a 200 foot mechanical shark!

Like I said, I usually like these movies, but this one was so bad that it makes me think it may be time to hang up the entire Mega___vs___ format. This one was beyond bad. The writers didn't even try on this one. There is a scene where the shark jumps a mile up to try to snag a jet from the sky, but Mecha
also jumps up, and knocks it away. Quite a few scenes seemed like a rehash of several other films. In fact, the movie poster is even a rehash of the second film in Asylum's series, Mega Shark vs Crocosaurus.  The first movie of course was Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus.

Do yourself a favor and avoid this one, even if you are a fan of these movies. The first two were really enjoyable. Cheesy, but fun and enjoyable. But, I honestly felt insulted after watching it. Did Asylum really think that nobody would notice all the rehash from other films??? There is a difference between making these bad, yet enjoyable films, and what they did with Mega Shark vs Mecha Shark. If you can't come up with something original, or at very least entertaining, you should probably quit.

One word to the SyFy Channel, since they will likely be showing this movie very soon...If you need something new, contact me. I have something that not only YOU will like, but the sci fi fans will like too. Its been a while since the network has had a good sci fi series, hasn't it?