Friday, December 13, 2013

Kill All Fire Ants...And Flog the Fire Ant Huggers!

Unless you don't have internet access, you have seen the viral YouTube video of the guy pouring molten aluminum into an ant bed. (And if you don't have internet access, how are you reading this?)

Anyway, here's the video. If you haven't seen it, check it out. Its really cool. And, check out his website for detailed photos of the sculpture.

Before we get into the actual meat of this post, let me first say that if you know how to acquire molten aluminum, please let me know. I want one of those awesome sculptures, and I want to make them and sell them as well. You can too, I guess. Just make sure I get some credit for giving you the idea. Checks can be made out to...Nevermind. Just leave me a thank you

Anyway, the fun police jumped all over this story. The guy who posted this video also posted this:
“I disabled comments because I’m sick of your bickering, Also, I couldn't get YouTube to stop sending me an email every time someone posted ‘What if I poured aluminum in your house’ for the 100th time.”

Geez, people. They are FIRE ANTS. They are in absolutely NO danger of becoming endangered, and they will probably be on the planet almost as long as cockroaches. And, if you try to pour aluminum in my house, just remember that I support the second amendment.

One of the things I do best is to illustrate how irrational and ridiculous people can be, and by the time you are finished reading this, if you were undecided, you will agree with 2 things. One, Fire ants are devil spawn and deserve to DIE! And two, the people who are rushing to the aid of fire ants...or fire ant huggers...need to have their heads examined.

First of all, fire ants are invasive creatures. Invasive means that they are INVADERS!!! Fire ants are native to South America, and were transported to the United States much the same way the bubonic plague was spread...BOATS! The RIFA (red imported fire ant) was accidentally introduced into the United States aboard a South American cargo ship that docked at the port of Mobile, Alabama, in the 1930s, and came to infest the majority of the Southern and Southwestern United StatesAll it takes is a very small number of them to create a new colony. And, the way the colonies multiply is so fast that the old saying 'breed like rabbits' should be changed to 'breed like fire ants.'

Read this from the Wikipedia page:
The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) estimates more than $5 billion is spent annually on medical treatment, damage, and control in RIFA-infested areas. Further, the ants cause approximately $750 million in damage to agricultural assets, including veterinary bills and livestock loss, as well as crop loss.
Cows, horses, sheep, etc have to live
in fields that look like this. Think of how
many sculptures you could get!

So, why do groups like PETA and nuts like them care about fire ants? Have they ever been bitten by fire ants? I fell into a fire ant bed when I was a little kid. Three years old maybe? I don't remember much from that far back, but I sure as hell remember that. As a result, I have gotten very creative with ways to kill them. This way would be REALLY cool, and you could proudly display the war trophy. So to  all you fire ant huggers, before you leave me all those comments saying how a fire ant's life is more valuable than mine, just take a look at this pic to the left and remember it.

So, we already covered fire ants being invaders. But, I'm sure that somebody who left that guy a message about how cruel killing the ants was knew that. I wonder if those same people had the same view about the Burmese Pythons that are destroying the Everglades in Florida? Go read about  Python Challenge. The pythons are eating alligators, not to mention EVERYTHING else, and completely destroying the ecosystem there. Do these fire ant huggers feel the same way about the pythons and the hunters going down there specifically to kill them? I doubt it. That's because the fire ant huggers are probably afraid of their own shadow, so of course they would be ok with killing a big scary snake.

Ok to kill invasive snakes but not invasive ants??

First of all, they will never go extinct like I said earlier, but even if they did, there are plenty of other insects and animals out there that will clean the ecosystem. How do you think North America did it before those demonic pestilence were unleashed on the continent?

Also, if you are or know a fire ant hugger who is pissed off about this guy making the aluminum sculptures, just invite them to go stick their hand in a fire ant bed, while they  explain to the ants that they have got the ant's backs. They will show you how appreciative they are.

So much fun those fire ants, huh?

Another thing, I want to know where these dumb people who are screaming about this guy killing the fire ants are when it comes to the exterminator. Are they out protesting? Are they holding signs at the local Terminex, blocking the driveways so their trucks can't get out, chanting "Go to work? No you can't! We must protect the fire ants!"

They are out there. I would love to see a video of an actual protest at an exterminator's business. That would make for some great entertainment. But since that isn't likely at the moment, I'll just leave you with this gem of a commercial:

This blog post is NOT brought to you by Ortho. I just think the commercial kicks ass!

The only good fire ant is a DEAD fire ant.


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