Thursday, October 31, 2013

Five of the Best and Five of the Worst Halloween Costumes...

Happy 50'th blog post to me!
...That I've seen! ...well, that I've seen pictures of. Come on now, you really didn't think I've been taking Maybe I was. WOOOOOOOO!!!!!
pictures of the good and bad costumes over the years, and saving them for a blog that I would officially start in early 2013 did you?

And, the way, this is my 50'th blog post on this blog. YAY! WOO HOO! CLICK HERE!!! Ok, so, I've written 50 blog posts now, and I guess its pretty cool that the big 5-0 comes to us on Halloween. Of course, that also means that it will take a little while longer to get this one viewed and read by my loyal readers since you will all be out with the kids trick or treating, or dressing up in super revealing scary or silly costumes, and going out to the bar to get completely obliterated, and go to work tomorrow completely hung over, with spirit gum in your hair! Or, maybe you'll be the one yelling at kids telling them that they are all going to hell for glorifying the devil. Ok, I got a little carried away there. Me? I'll be at home watching my Miami Dolphins lose their fifth game in a row to the Bengals. Anyway, enough of my filibuster. Enjoy this, my 50'th blog post!

Show some freaking creativity!
We'll start with the best. I have a brief criteria on Halloween costumes to be considered for either the best or worst. Its simple. They have to be homemade. None of these kit costumes that you buy from a costume show that are made from the cheapest material, and look fake as hell. That's my criteria. And, keep in mind that my worst costume that I list here will be 10 times better than any costume you buy from a store. I have more respect for something that someone put effort into that didn't turn out that great than I do someone that looks great in a store bought costume. So, here we go.

In no particular order, I give you...The 5 Best Halloween Costumes! 

Number 5: This might be the best. Look at the detail. Someone spent alot of time on this masterpiece. This would terrify any kid, and maybe even some adults too. This is everything that a Halloween costume should be. The origins of the costumes were to blend in with the evil spirits in order to stay safe. This costume would accomplish that, and it may even scare some of the REAL evil spirits! You think those 2 morons in the picture above would scare anybody? Maybe Billy Ray Cyrus, but that's about it. So, whoever this is, BRAVO!  By the way, this was home made. It was not made in a movie studio.

Number 4: So, maybe you don't have the money, time or skill to do something like this badass above, but you still want to look scary. No problem. You can be the best looking zombie at your Halloween party. All it takes is a little time and creativity. There are instructions on Youtube for doing petty much any FX makeup job you want. Find them, and you can look like this. Although, be careful. If Daryl sees you, he might be tempted to give you a lobotomy with an arrow from his crossbow. 

Don't blink!
Number 3: So, maybe gruesome or scary demon monster isn't your thing. You can still pull off a great costume with a little paint or Rit Dye, some styrofoam, some cloth, and some cotton or ruffles. Even though this costume is very plain, it is also very detailed. This person put just as much effort into the costume as our zombie hottie above put into hers. Believe it or not, there is a culture of people 'WHO' would find this costume VERY scary. If you don't know 'WHO' I'm talking about, do a little bit of Googling. Hint: I am not talking about Pete Townsend or Roger Daltrey, and I am not talking about Abbot and Costello fans.

Number 2: Maybe you're on a budget. You want to look good, and don't want to be a statue. You can still easily make yourself into a number of very recognizable movie icons. Ok, sure. Not everyone is a muscle head like this guy, but you get my point. He looks better than any crappy Hulk costume that you could buy. And if you're one of my female readers, and you're thinking I'm not much help because you're a woman and Hulk is a man? Well, click here. (I promise it isn't another Kool and the Gang video)
Number 1: Cosplay! (you have NO idea how hard it was to find a completely  homemade cosplay example that would fall into the 'best homemade' category. But I finally found one. Its the gorgeous redhead love slave, Zev Bellringer from the cult Sci Fi series, Lexx, played by the lovely Xenia Seeberg. This is not a picture of Seeberg. The costume is homemade. Its made from layers of snake skin fabric. Click here to see a photo of Seeberg in her Zev outfit and all her beauty. 

Those were freaking awesome weren't they? 

And NOW, I give you the BAD ones!!

Keep in mind, I said that the worst bad homemade costume is better than the 
best store bought costume.

Number 5: I know its just a kid, but come on. A pizza? Really? That's almost as scary as the wind in the 'The Happening.' That kid's parents obviously put alot of work into that. So, why not come up with something cool? A for effort, F for effect.

And, that's another thing. Costumes should never be something that gets eaten unless its a character in a movie that gets eaten by a monster. Like this guy. Hey, it works. It takes slightly more thought than a freaking pizza!

Number 4: This might just be the worst one. Thankfully, I am out of college, and I don't have to worry about seeing this type of costume. Homemade? Yes. Clever? No. Stupid? Yes. Scary? No. Fail? You betcha! And, I am not going to give the walking box of tampons a view here, but it is the same thing.

Really, people! When I was looking for these pictures, I saw some pretty creative stuff that people did with boxes. Like this guy.

Number 3: Cosplay! Yes, cosplay makes yet another appearance. Scantily clad sexy woman with a mask on. They win some contests too from time to time, usually beating out something cool that someone worked really hard on. And, usually the contests they win are attended by people like the ones in photo number 4. Its Halloween. Not Spring Break. A mask on top of a bikini does not make a good costume. Sexy, yes. Good, no. And, look at the woman behind and to the right of our Spring Break Stormtrooper. Jealous much? Geez! I can feel the scorn coming right off the picture!

Number 2: The zero effort guy. Here is the exception to my rule about a homemade costume being better than a store bought one. A store bought Iron Man costume would be MUCH better than this. Here are a couple things he didn't take into consideration: 1, he is a walking fire hazard. 2, A tree died so he could have a costume. 3, his costume will later in the party fall victim to a guy needing a piece of paper to get a girl's phone number. At least try, dude!

BOOOOO!!!! No, not "BOO!" I am BOOING you.
As in YOU SUCK!!
Number 1: Ghosts. Need I say more? Its slightly better than the knucklehead above, but not much.

It isn't hard to whip up costumes from movie characters, as numbers 1 and 2 in the good costume category
show. All I am saying here is that you only get one day a year to dress up. Would you rather put effort into it, or just go buy a costume. Either way, you're only going to wear it once, and you buy your clothes from a store. Why not put effort into it, and make a costume that people will remember, rather than buying cheap clothes that vaguely resemble something from a movie? If you make it, it will look 10 times better than those cheap costumes. 

Gotta have an honorable mention for something that is as much bad as it is awesome!

I know I'm a little late with this post for this year, but, I put effort into it. If you read it, you WILL remember it next year, and you'll likely look into making your own costume. So, be creative! Have fun! And above all,


Sunday, October 27, 2013

The Customer is a Jerk and a Liar. Lets Reward Them!!

I recognize the face that customers are the life's blood of a company, but thanks to moochers and takers that have become prevalent in our society today, the term "The customer is always right" has been taken way out of hand. Quite frankly, it has been abused to the point that it needs emergency reconstructive surgery.

What am I talking about? Well, go into any chain retail store. They will let you walk all over them, and get whatever you want. All you have to do is say the dreaded magic threat: "I'm gonna call corporate!"

I used to work in the rent to own field. You will never see a more pathetic display of humanity than a large percentage of customers in that field. Some of them would be more than happy to shoot you over a 27 inch TV rather than turn it back in because they can't make the payment. I know this because I was shot at over a 27 inch TV. Others will rent things, and not make the payment, and disappear for 6 weeks, then finally get in touch with the store, and apologize. The merchandise is then picked up, and a week later, they come back and re rent the same item, and the process starts again. They do pay into principal, and eventually, they will pay it off...several years later. But, in that field, there are no customers who are blacklisted. They can walk all over the employees, threaten, and belittle the employees all they want, but corporate will not let a store ban a customer. The person I mentioned who shot at me? After the TV was recovered with a police escort, we were delivering the same TV back to them a week later.

As a rent to own employee, I dreaded the "preferred customer" mailers. They were mailed out to every person in the store's database, yet for some reason, only the worst of the worst came in with them. And, they would always come in with an attitude. "I'm a PREFERRED customer, so I deserve this or that!" And, that is the problem. These pathetic people are rewarded for their poor (and sometimes criminal) behavior, and of course they will keep coming back.

Think that guy learned his lesson?
True story: One customer had a rather nice dinette set, and had been paying on it for several years. As far as the company was concerned, they had gotten all the money they needed out of it, so if the customer decided to steal it, they could charge it off, and no one would lose any sleep over it. In fact, the customer only had maybe 3 more payments on it until they owned it. But, they would disappear like I mentioned before, and the set would have to be picked up, then redelivered. In a year, I picked up and redelivered that set 6 times. So, I got tired of it, and the last time I picked it up, I asked the manager how much value the set had to the store. He checked, and that was when we found out that it was paid for as far as the company was concerned, but the customer had a few payments left to go. I offered the manager the total of the 3 payments for the set, and he sold it to me. This was in 2006, and I still have it to this day. I bought it to be a desk. In fact, I am typing this post on it right now. The customer had to start all over with a different piece. I bet he never missed a payment again!

But this type of behavior getting rewarded by businesses is not limited to retail, or rent to own. There is a pizza chain that has a policy that states "If the customer complains, give them what they want, and something extra." As a result, they are delivering food to low lives who will order a pizza, call up, complain, and get another pizza and wings delivered for free that same day. And, these people never tip the drivers either. The chain thinks it is good customer service, but all it is doing is sending the free food beacon to low lives who find out about it, and tell their friends. Before too long, they are delivering free food to an entire neighborhood on a regular basis.

These people are the lowest scum on the planet. They are the people who do not work, yet eat better than I do because the government has no cap or term limit to the free (taxpayer) money they shovel out to them. And, it gets worse as the time goes by. Today, its a pizza. Next thing you know, they are stealing from stores, and threatening the store's employees for trying to stop them. And, corporate will actually reprimand the employees for trying to prevent theft. Trading customer service for emboldened thieves. Also, these people would gladly cost a hard working employee their job in order to get something that costs 5 bucks for free! Don't you see a problem with that?

The problem is not going to get better. In fact, its going to get worse. I could not work in a retail store. I would likely wind up getting fired for beating the crap out of someone who threatened me. And, they will come over the counter and threaten violence if they don't get their way!

Basically, the customer is NOT always right, and if a company wants good employees, they need to start standing up for THEM, and not the leeches who would just as soon stab someone over a pair of shoes or shoot at someone over a 27 inch TV.

 If I had a business of my own, I would have a blacklist. And, all it would take would be banning just a couple people, and the word would be out that my business is not one that can be walked all over. As a result, my cost goes down because I wouldn't be paying for these jerks to rob me, AND the good employees would find their way to my store.

And, you'd better believe that sign to the left here would be hanging in my store's front window!

Its just common sense. Although, fewer and fewer people seem to be born with it these days.

Friday, October 25, 2013

I Hate my Mother In Law...Now, Lets Have a Reality Show!

I guess its time to get the root of the matter about my 5 gift ideas post. Lets face it...My mother in law is an evil, rotten person. I made this post on a Facebook page called 'I Hate My Mother in Law!'
I had a good job in a different state, and my MIL started guilting my wife about how she missed my daughter. After months of arguing, I finally caved in, and we moved here. I couldn't find a job here, and we had to stay with her for a few months. She went out of her way to make sure everyone under the roof was miserable, and had the audacity to say that if we wanted to move here, we should have made sure I had a job. I reminded her that I was dragged here kicking and screaming, and didn't want to move here, and that the only reason we came was because she made my wife feel bad. She smoked pot in front of my daughter inside the house, but bitched when I came inside from smoking a cigarette. I put my foot down once we got the hell out of there, and said that once we save enough money, we are leaving this town. My wife told the MIL, and she tried to guilt her again. I told my wife that I would never keep my daughter away from her grandmother, and that the MIL would be more than welcome to come visit...on HER dime, and she would have to pay for a hotel, or pay for ME to go to a hotel. That pretty much sealed the deal. The bitch doesn't drive, and lives on disability, so once we leave, I will not have to worry about her presence ever again. lol
That's pretty self explanatory right? I mean after reading that, is there any doubt in your mind about what my feelings were about her, and how often I would like to see her? I mean, I think that I am pretty good at painting a picture with words; Don't you??

Apparently not!

There was a reply on that post from a Hollywood casting director, telling me that she could help, and asked me to send her a message if I would like to be on a reality show about bad mother in laws. Oh boy! Its my shot to be a big movie star! My 15 minutes of fame! My chance to be as big as those awesome Jersey Shore actors! Where's the phone?? WHERE'S THE DAMN PHONE???


So, not only did I reply back saying that I was not interested, I included something like this (paraphrasing) "Why in the hell would you even try to get people from this page onto your stupid reality show? I mean if someone truly hates their mother in law like I do, what makes you think that I would want to be around her with a camera crew recording me making an ass out of myself for a national television audience? I mean really...If anyone who says they hate their mother in law, then goes on your crappy show, then they don't really hate their mother in law!"

He kinda looks like John McCain
Well, the casting person took her post down, but not before several people 'liked' my post. Seriously. Think about it...I posted that before we moved away. Later on the page, I posted that we had moved 2 hours away, and she was out of my life for good. This casting person knew this because she 'liked' that post. Then, she sent the other message. So, let me get this straight...I've moved away, but she wants me to move back for this stupid show??? Uhh, let me think abo-NO! Not even for -------------------------------------------------------->

So, can somebody tell me why people so desperately want their 15 minutes of fame that they are willing to make complete and total asses of themselves in front of millions of people?  It doesn't make sense. This is the second blog post I've made about reality shows. The first was about Teen Mom and how these girls are basically rewarded for being sluts.  I really do not understand it. Honestly. I think that anyone who goes on these shows should be ridiculed for it. First of all, most of it is staged. Teen Mom is for example. Second, the shows are so freaking boring, I would rather perform a vasectomy on myself with no novocaine, using a rusty butter knife than sit through an hour of that crap.

Sure, I don't understand it, and I never will. But until the dumb masses in this country figure out that Hollywood is out of ideas for TV shows, the reality shows will keep coming...And, they pay these reality numbskulls a hell of alot less than real actors. So basically, never. They are here to stay, and we as a nation are the worse for it. Please, people...Stop watching reality shows, and stop making stupid people famous. Seriously, Paris Hilton and Kim Kardassian are famous because they screwed someone on camera. They have done NOTHING of note or value, and are worthless people.

Attention, America...I say again...STOP IT PLEASE!!!

Sunday, October 13, 2013

Why Do I Love Football?

The Face of Boe is a Dolphins fan?
I was going to use this post as an entry into the NFL's contest to win tickets to the Super Bowl, but changed my mind after reading the contest rules. They state that I do not have permission to use my own writing for any purpose other than submitting it to the NFL. I intended to post it here, as well as submitting it to them. But, I don't want to get disqualified or sued for using my own intellectual property.

That would make me NOT love football anymore. Its sad too because this will be a great post. Its their loss though...I'd rather use this post to make my blog better than to have a one in a gazillion shot at Super Bowl tickets.

So, why do I love football? There are many reasons, but the most important reason is that I am a part of a huge family of like minded fans. Football transcends every man made barrier and prejudice.  For example, I am a metalhead, and many times, I have hung out with people who enjoy rap, country, or even Justin Beiber. I generally wouldn't be hanging out at a bar with these people or at a large event with them for the simple fact that the bars they go to would be playing music that I can't stand. But, I can go watch a game at a sports bar or in person with these same people, and have a great time. Regardless of who the other people are a fan of. Football brings people together like nothing else can.
35 years of waiting till next year
Another reason I love football is because unlike relationships with friends or girlfriends, etc, I can put 100% of my emotion into my team, and I know what the outcome will be. My team will either win, or lose. I'm going to be happy or bummed. In relationships, you never know what will happen. I've been a fan of the Miami Dolphins fan for 35 years. That's 29 years longer than my longest relationship with a woman, (my wife) and about 10 years longer than my relationship with my best friend...However, the 2 of us have lost contact for several years a couple times, so does that really count? And even though the Phins have disappointed, I stick with them. I stuck with them in 2007 when they went 1-15. I still wore my jersey with pride at sports bars, and other fans gave me major props for being the only person at the bar wearing Dolphins gear. Even though the last time they won a Super Bowl was the year I was born, I am still a fan. I know that once they do win another one, I will probably be sobbing like a baby. So, what other relationship can you give that much of yourself, and know exactly what you will be getting in return?

Another reason is because the game is more exciting than any other sport. Each play has 100 different possibilities and scenarios that could happen. Its like a chess match. Unlike baseball, where a player is either going to hit the ball or miss. Or basketball, soccer, and hockey where the rules are very similar. Just go up and down the court, and score. Nothing against the other sports at all. All I am saying is that football has much more strategy than the others.

In football, each move is carefully thought out by both teams, and the play is either successful, or it is stopped by the defense. To completely understand football is a feat that will never be accomplished by anyone, which is why the game will continue to get better and better as the years go by.
Bob Griese, Ryan Tannehill, Dan Marino.
3 generations of Dolphins Quarterbacks
Another reason I love football is that it transcends generations. The older players are still very much involved with the teams. They love their team for the most part, and will do anything for them, even if they have been retired for many years. And, the fans still remember and love the old players. Younger fans love hearing stories of great plays by the players of the past. I have told many stories of great shoot outs and comebacks byDan Marino or Joe Montana, John Elway, or punishing hits by Zach Thomas, Jason Taylor, Ronnie Lott and the late, great Derrick Thomas, the phenomenal running of Barry Sanders, and the 'sweetness' of Walter Payton. Great wide receivers like Jerry Rice and Chris Carter. The list goes on and on. The young fans I tell them to listen to me as they would their father telling them about 'back in the day.'
Still waiting for the next Barry
Yet another reason I love football is the camaraderie between players. Even the players in the most heated rivalries have a deep respect for each other. Players coming to each other's aid when they are down. If a player is badly hurt, the players from both teams will huddle up together to pray for their injured teammate/opponent. A very recent example of professional camaraderie happened today. We all know the story of Minnesota Vikings runningback, Adrian Peterson's son being tragically killed. The first game the Vikings played after this atrocity was vs the Carolina Panthers. Panthers QB, Cam Newton took a moment to console Peterson.

Cam Newton: Class act.

I could go on and on, but the last main reason I can think of about why I love football is the TAILGATE, and seeing a game live! There is no other experience like tailgating before going into a game. I have done it both in Miami, and in several other cities where I saw the Dolphins play the home team. There is also a camaraderie there with fans. Like I mentioned before, they are all there for the same reason. The tailgate in my opinion is more fun than a backyard cookout by a long shot. The smell of great food fills the air. Cheers of fans all over the place. Ice cold beer. Its a backyard cookout with 50,000 of your best friends and neighbors. Nothing beats it.

Why do I love football? Simply put, it is my passion. My blood craves it.

So, do you think I should send this to the NFL contest, and take my chances on being disqualified? Let me know. And....

Red Hot: The TRUE Story of Buffalo Wings...

Hey! There are beer and
Hot Wings in this Photo!
Since it is Football season, I figured that a post on the best football food out there would be in order. Grab a beer because everybody knows that hot wings and beer are the best food and beverage combo on the planet. Its gonna get SPICY in here!

Basically, the owner of the Anchor Bar, in Buffalo, NY invented them. From their website:
 One night back on March 4,1964,Dominic Bellissimo was tending bar at the now famous Anchor Bar Restaurant in Buffalo, NY. Late that evening, a group of Dominic's friends arrived at the bar with ravenous appetites. Dominic asked his mother, Teressa, to prepare something for his friends to eat. 

They looked like chicken wings, a part of the chicken that usually went into the stock pot for soup. Teressa had deep fried the wings and flavored them with a secret sauce. The wings were an instant hit and it didn't take long for people to flock to the bar to experience this new taste sensation. From that evening on, Buffalo Wings became a regular part of the menu at the Anchor Bar. 

The phenomenon created in 1964 by Teressa Bellissimo has spread across the globe. Although many have tried to duplicate Buffalo Wings, the closely guarded secret recipe is what makes Frank & Teressa's the proclaimed "Best Wings in the World."

That "Secret Sauce' was none other than Frank's Original Red Hot. The ORIGINAL hot sauce, made from Cayenne Pepper. Frank's has since come out with many different flavors, and why wouldn't they? But, my favorite is the Original, and the most imitated is the original.

Since hot wings exploded onto the scene in the 80's, several huge chains
Here's an innocent looking Hooters
Girl just because.
have sprung up, such as Hooters, Buffalo Wild Wings, and Wild Wing Cafe. While they have good wings, and plenty of eye candy there in the case of Hooters, I still defer to the old 
adage of 'If it ain't broke, don't fix it.' Meaning that there is no reason other than pride to use anything other than Frank's. When I was younger, I worked at a restaurant that would mix tomato juice with Texas Pete hot sauce, and add Italian salad dressing, along with Tabasco sauce and black pepper to it, and call it the 'best secret hot wing recipe in the world!' There is a reason that place is no longer in business. Their wings were horrible. 
And these chain pizza restaurants that offer wings? They fry them partially, then yank them out and ship them to their stores who run them through an oven and douse them with a hot sauce that is loaded with extra ingredients so they can claim it as theirs. Keep reading, my friends!

BBQ sauce on wings?
There is no reason to put breading on the wings, no reason to add anything (other than cayenne pepper, or something hotter for extra heat) to the Frank's Red Hot. And, they are not hard to make at all. You simply deep fry them, then pull them out of the oil, and put them in a bucket. Pour the sauce on it, then shake the wings in a circular motion, and serve. You don't want to bake them, and you damn sure don't want to cook them on a grill. And, if you want BBQ chicken, then make BBQ chicken. Don't bother putting BBQ sauce on hot wings. I am a hot wings guru, and I will laugh at you if you do. 

Case in point, I eat hot wings at home all the time. Every time I cook them at a party I throw, or even at a tailgate party, people always ask me what restaurant I got my sauce from because my wings were simply amazing. They can't believe it when I tell them that all I use is Frank's Original Red Hot. I honestly don't understand what is so hard to believe about it. Fry em' then dunk em' in the sauce. You will get wings that are BETTER than what most wing restaurants or sports bars serve. 

Awww hell yeah!
I am a Miami Dolphins fan. Back in 2006, I went to a Dolphins home game vs the Buffalo Bills. I decided to cook hot wings at the tailgate party. I brought a turkey fryer, and about 400 raw wings. Nobody was paying any attention to me until I pulled the first batch from the oil and dumped the Frank's on them. The aroma went everywhere, and the people nearby smelled it, and swooped in. I expected this, which is why I brought 400 wings. That tailgate was amazing. There were Buffalo Bills fans who told me that they were season ticket holders in Buffalo, and they had never seen anyone cook Buffalo Wings at a tailgate in a turkey fryer. They tried them, and were amazed. I asked them if they were going to cook wings this way once they got back home. They said that they were absolutely going to do it. I told them to make sure they told everyone in Buffalo that they got the idea from a Miami Dolphins fan. It was a great time.

Since then, I have cooked wings at every tailgate party I have been to. I've done it in Atlanta, Nashville, Cincinnati, and a couple more times in Miami. The reaction is the same every time. I attract people! But, the bottom line is that hot wings, fried with Frank's Original Red Hot is the PERFECT recipe for hot wings. Period. 

Add beer for perfection! YUM!!!
Don't deviate from it. They got it right at the Anchor Bar in Buffalo, and if it ain't broke, DON'T FIX IT! 

That being said, the chains like Hooters, BWW, WWC, etc do make some good wings, but they fail in comparison to the wings made with the ORIGINAL formula...I've said before, and I will say it again:


Also, they are the best fried crispy with a little pool of sauce on the plate.

Heed my words. Make some REAL wings, grab a beer, and enjoy!

...and let me know how your party turned out for you.

Signed, William Telltale
Hot Wings Guru