Thursday, September 19, 2013

Freaking Clown Running Amok? SHEESH!

Northampton, England, there is a creepy ass clown running around, scaring people. He isn't killing anyone, and he isn't flashing people, and he isn't peeking out of drains, and he apparently doesn't smell like whiskey either. But, its a freaking clown, and its creepy! I am one of those people who has a clown phobia. When I was little, I was at a fair, and this freaking creepy clown (who probably did smell like whiskey) came up behind me and scared the crap out of me. Probably literally. I don't know. But, clowns have freaked me out ever since. And, when I read Stephen King's IT, that didn't help matters.

THAT's why!
I never watched the Bozo Show on TV, or any other clown thing. When I was in second grade, there was a clown that came to our class. I mysteriously had a really bad stomach ache that day. To this day, when I see one of those painted demons, I still get a little nervous and uneasy, and my heart rate picks up a little bit. I also avoid any McDonalds that has a Ronald McDonald likeness in the store...Actually these days, I try to avoid McDonalds all together. I shouldn't have to pay for heartburn. Freaking clowns! Parents, if you invite me to your kid's birthday party, and you have a clown, I'm turning around, and taking my kid AND the gift that we got for your kid, and I'm leaving.

This would NOT happen in the US.
This 'Britclown' has a Facebook page, but is apparently not on Twitter because it confuses him. Twitter confuses me too, but I still have a page. But, I can identify with it being confus- STOP IT, BRITCLOWN! See there? He's trying to get into my head by finding things that I can relate to. That's what they do, people! I have something in common with him, and I let my guard down, and next thing you know, he's sneaking up behind me with a chocolate pie to throw in my face as soon as I turn around! And heaven forbid if he tries to make a balloon animal, and the damn thing pops in my face.

Now, let me be clear here. I am not saying that this guy should be arrested or anything. He isn't committing a crime, and truthfully, I would rather see a clown walking down the street even if it gives me the willies than some little thug with his pants hanging halfway down his ass. But, if this happened in the USA, somebody would have shot him. Some thug on the street would shoot him just because he didn't like clowns, or something stupid like that. A responsible gun owner would not do it unless his life was in danger, and unless its Pennywise or Pogo, your life probably isn't in danger if you see a clown. I had to clarify because I don't want some gun control drone using my analogy to advance their agendas. Anyway, this clown isn't hurting anybody, so I say let him do what he does. Leave him alone, and be glad that somebody is trying to give you a little something different for a change. He wants to do it, fine. Let him be. If I ever saw him, I would probably suck it up, and go shake his hand for scaring all the nitwits out there.

I wonder if he would like to be a guest on the Will and Thunder Show? <caching!>

So, Northampton, even though clowns creep me out, I salute you. Keep doing what you do. Just don't try to bring your act to the US.

You know what else creeps me out?
THESE damn things!!!


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