Friday, May 24, 2013

5 Gift Ideas for someone you hate...Like a mother in law

That pic is really hilarious. And, true in so many of our cases. Why do these people think they need to go out of their way to make your lives miserable? In many cases, you do something nice for the person, and you wind up being treated like a scumbag for it. 

Case and point, my mother in law guilted my wife into moving close to her so she could see her grand daughter. I had a good job at the time, but after this move, I couldn't find another one, and we had to stay with this troll for a few months. She went out of her way to make everyone involved completely miserable...even the grand daughter. Since we left her place, I haven't seen or talked to her in almost a year and a half, and she can't understand why. She thinks she is a perfect little angel, and that I am the one with the problem. Who cares? I sure don't. I'm fine as long as I don't have to see her.

Now, Mother's Day, her birthday, and Christmas come around every year. Lucky for me, my wife doesn't insist that I get the troll anything. But, some of you aren't that lucky. Some of you have to give gifts to someone who instead of seeing them, you would rather french kiss a starving wolverine with bad breath. So, I came up with a list of 5 things to get for someone you hate, whether its a mother in law, sibling, aunt/uncle, or whoever. A list of 5 seemingly innocent and thoughtful things that can have hidden meanings. A way of expressing your feelings toward that person without your spouse or that hated person having any idea that your gift means "Go jump off a cliff into a pool filled with sharks, piranhas, and lamprey eels."

Keep in mind, these are 'keep the peace' gifts that will satisfy your spouse because you actually got something for the inlaw. These gifts will make the inlaw happy, but give you inner satisfaction.

Gift number 5: A Snuggie. She will like this, but we all know how stupid looking those things are.

Or maybe one for her cat?

Gift number 4: If she has a dog or cat, get her a big bag of dog or cat food. That way, you aren't getting HER anything, and she won't know the difference.

Gift number 3: The $5 to $10 movie collections you see in grocery stores. You know, the ones with 8 bad movies you've never even heard of?

Make SURE you get the
horror collection!
Gift number 2: A kid's crossword puzzle or word search book. "Oops, I didn't realize this was a children's puzzle book. It was with the others and I was in a hurry. I'm sorry!" But what you are saying is that you think a children's book is all she is smart enough to figure out. So, you have to apologize, but the apology masks your true intention. 

Gift number 1, (my personal favorite) A bag of almonds. Yes, a simple bag of almonds.Why almonds? Did you know that almonds have trace amounts of cyanide in them? Need I say more?
All of these suggestions are great subtle ways to make yourself feel better about getting a gift for someone you hate. Got another one? List it! 

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